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When you feel like no one is listening and you have great information to share there may be some concrete techniques you can apply to improve how others perceive YOU and your level of expertise in any particular area.
When you use your voice to speak up in a lower vocal tone you are perceived to have greater confidence. Perception is reality. Women with high voices have great command over many subjects however, they can be perceived as having greater confidence by lowering the vocal tone. Think about it this week when you are listening to others in general.
You can practice lowering your tone in everyday conversations and when you have a presentation to give in school, at work or in your community. Keep it as natural as possible.
leave a comment below on how your practice goes.
How have you begun the New Year?
My desire for you this 2016 is that you embrace these 4 Pillars of Living One Jazzy Life and that you SPEAK UP every chance you get using your actions and words to move towards the vision you have in each of the pillars listed below a reality.
New Years exercise… grab a sheet of paper or write in your journal your thoughts on these few questions to begin the year.
Know your vision… finish these sentences with your words.
Good health for me is ….
I am committed to …………………to make this vision my good health a reality.
Financial stability to me is……
I believe people with an abundance of money are……
Career success in 2016 means I ….
It is critical that I do……………….to achieve this career success in 2016.
I am Expressing Sincere Happiness when I am…..
Describe what you are doing when you are expressing sincere happiness and what you can do to get more of that feeling in your life.
This short excretes is over. Congratulations on giving yourself the gift of reflection on what you would like to see in 2016 and what actions you are committed to taking to move the process in a positive direction. In the larger scheme of things you are ahead of your peers because many women don’t take the time to visualize what they desire and put a few things in place to make them happen.
If you would like to review these pillars in more depth, hit reply and let me know and I will send you a workbook.
Cheers to living One Jazzy Life
Janice, Speaking Skills Mentor to Urban GirlsRead More
One of my clients admits that the holiday season drives her crazy. Her mother, brother, co-workers, friends seem to all swallow a crazy pill and loose it. Not to mention her mate. The stress of making it “perfect” for everyone is what she suffers from right after the last Thanksgiving left over has been eaten. The good news is that a recent article published in the Guardian said that stress related misery does not kill you faster.
In a coaching session this past week she mentioned using her theme song, my private clients all know about this technique. Her song was the gospel song with the lyric that said “Pray about it when you don’t know what to do because God still answers prayers”
She was ready, she had her song, she pressed play and she shared joy of the coming holiday in the mist of all the insanity of making the season perfect. The pursuit of perfection can be good and bad however, remembering that old saying “reach for the moon and you will hit the stars”, is what her theme song took her to. On the way to perfection there is joy, peace, gratitude and love this season.
Oddly enough I took that lyric and not knowing the melody of the song, made one up and applied it to many situations this past week in my life.
When a school lost my sons middle school application after sending me an email that they received, I applied the lyric. I prayed about it, because God still answers prayer. They let me resend it.
When another school said they could not honor my sons application. I replied to the email and prayed about it because God still answers prayer. They responded and said they will be scheduling an interview for him.
Before I opened his test scores, I prayed about it, because God still answers prayer. I am sure he can read and understands math.
My intention for you from this story is that having a song lyric or an affirmation that is short and one that you can look to how that lyric or affirmation has carried you through life, time and time again helps when overwhelm sets in during the holidays and everyday life.
Cheers to living One Jazzy Life
Holiday fun should be just that, FUN. You never want to feel overwhelmed or like you’re dreading the day of your event. Trust me, some people handle hosting holiday get together better than others. Keep these tips in mind when embarking on creating your traditions this year that can last for years to come.
# Begin with the VIBE !
Are you laid back or more formal? These are great places to begin because they can set the tone for what your tradition might be. You might have seen girlfriends of yours have a formal dinner for eight friends the first Saturday of the New Year or you may have seen Christmas tree trimming parties where the entire family is invited. Whatever your pleasure begin with who YOU want to celebrate with and the feelings YOU want to have while celebrating. At the moment sweet potatoes are baking in my house and that brings me to the different avenues you can use to create the VIBE you desire. Smells always conjure up certain feelings; so don’t forge to include scents when you are creating your VIBE.
# Think Small amounts of people and limit the amount of time !
Don’t you hate when you go to someone’s house and they just did not realize just how many people they invited to be over and to top it off they did not say when the party would end. When you are developing a tradition have the feeling you want to evoke dictate who is invited. If it is about family, then go with family and if it is about friends then go with friends. Think about the tradition you are beginning, will it be faith based, secular, competitive, learning … there are so many types of traditions that could be mentioned.
# When in doubt hire it out !
You may be saying to yourself “hire it out” yes, hire it out. You don’t have to cook, clean, and entertain. Choose one that plays to your strengths and hire out all the rest. For those of you who haven’t figured it out yet, “hire it out” means pay someone else to do it. For example, you are a great cook but you can’t stand cleaning up and you don’t want your guest to feel obligated to help with cleaning before they leave, “hire this out” and have it being done while the event is going on. Then when everyone is gone, so is all the trash, the dishes are washed and life is good.
Make the decision to speak up with your actions and have JOY in all you do this holiday season and have the traditions you develop be a cornerstone.
I don’t often talk about love because it is so personal to everyone and so different. In all of these differences you can use great speaking skills to begin to share your brand of love with yourself and with others when you are clear on what your brand of love is.
In conversations with your aunts or cousins that are on topics that you know may trigger you to start feeling less than 100% confident about your life, be armed with topics that share your brand of love.
For example, when that conversation comes up about you going to graduate school and you just have not made up your mind about what that might mean for your life, have something to share that you have made up your mind about. You may have just started a new position, taken on a leadership role in your church or have gone on a wonderful trip, be prepared to share about all the things you love in your life when conversations go to a place you are not interested in going. Yes, we all have stuff we love in our lives.
You have been in conversations where this has been done professionally many times. You may hear someone ask about what is happening on project A and the answer is on a subset of project of A that is going really well.
When you are prepared to share the good things that are going on in your life regardless to weather they answer the question you were asked when with family during the holidays everyone wins. All family really wants to know is that you’re happy. How you are happy is not as important. Women that I have coached over the years have decreased stress during the holidays by being prepared to speak up about what they are enjoying in their life with confidence when in conversations on topics that may trigger them to into comparisons.
So prepare in advance two or three stories around the great stuff you have going on in your life and then ask them what they have been doing since the last time you each saw one another and keep smiling.
Cheers to living One Jazzy Life
Janice Saunders, Your Speaking Skills Mentor
Get rid of those RATS of FEAR and REASONS and start living…
Conversation with Yourself
This just means take a moment and ask yourself, am I living the life I want to live with abundance, joy and happiness. When taking this moment, cut off your cell phone, computer, home phone and any other way you could be distracted and sit quietly. Review all areas of your life that you feel are important, relationships, career, financial, health, spiritual and others you may want to add. If an area gives you a feeling of distress, just note that in your mind. Try not to judge and condemn yourself. Note the areas you feel great about as well. Sit with this for a few minutes, you may be able to sit for ten minutes or two minutes, however long it takes do this exercise until you get through each area of your life you want to evaluate.
Record It, this means write it down.
Think about what living One Jazzy Life would mean to you, because it is different for everyone. Speak to yourself about what you want to do, what impact you want to make on the world and what difference this will this make for you and those you love. Take a moment and record on paper exactly what your One Jazzy Life would look like in one year and in five years. Create a colorful vision for each of the areas that are important to you and be free with this. By free I mean for you not to limit yourself to what you think is possible but create the best of the best for yourself and say it out loud.
Making Room for The New
In this step you speak to yourself about swapping out some of the old habits and replacing them with new habits and rituals that will support the newly created vision of your life. I am not saying drop your husband or partner of ten years but I am saying evaluate if they are a part of your vision and how they can support you and then use great speaking skills to talk with them about your direction.
Managing Your New Direction
For every great habit you will create there will be at least three people in your life who will not understand what you are doing or why. I am not saying that you should get rid of those people but I am saying that you may want to guard your vision. The old folks might have said to “keep it close to the vest”. You don’t need to speak to everyone about what you are up to; they will see by your deeds that things in your life are changing for the better.
Use What You Already Know
By this I mean for you to remember those conversations you have had with your aunts, grandmothers, sisters and moms where they would share little sayings like ” you know you need to get some rest” or ” you can’t get something for nothing.” I am sharing this to say that at some point you may have stopped listening to those conversations that built you up and gave you confidence and then doubt began to creep in and lay down some roots. I am requesting that you remember some of those conversations that have gotten you through and begin to apply them to implementing actions to make your vision a reality. Write a few in the comments sections so we can all learn from them.
Don’t just identify your vision that is not enough and it will only leave you feeling unfulfilled. Now you have to step out on faith and take some actions. I recommend you start with swapping one habit that does not support your vision with one that does every week and keep this going for three months and see how you feel. Actions take discipline. You may have frequent conversation with yourself to add affirmations, visualizations, meditation and much more to keep yourself inspired and accountable for results. Actions create an aura around you that will attract opportunity.
The final step is saying yes. When an opportunity presents itself, it may not be what you thought but you have a good feeling about it, say yes.
Let me know what you’re doing in the comments section. If you need support just hit reply or shoot me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
The Urban Girls Speak Up is a transformation system that is personalized and I invite you to click this link to schedule a complimentary 30 minute Discovery Session to start the conversation about how to invest your time to reflect to attract the opportunities you desire.Read More
The RATS of procrastination, lack of confidence, poor eating habits and inaction…. the list could go on and on are everywhere in our lives. Clients work with me to speak up and align their actions each day so that these RATS don’t keep them from living fully the authentic One Jazzy Life they are meant to live.
There are many strategies you could use to put your RAT in its place and these are three common strategies my clients use.
1. Begin with the end in mind. For example, if you fear networking and you know it is the fastest way to meet people and learn about new opportunities as well as demonstrate your value in the market place, decide in advance how long you will stay at networking functions and leave ring when you have fulfilled your commitment to yourself.
2. Define the skill gap and learn that skill. By this I mean, you lack confidence when you sit down to do your home work, and this doesn’t matter if you’re in middle school or graduate school. How come you don’t understand the work? What is it you don’t understand? It is your responsibility to ask for help so you can confidently complete your work. this can be applied to your job as well. In a nut shell, ask for help and learn what you need to learn.
3. Plan, Plan and Plan. So many of you do not plan. You have no idea what steps need to be taken to get from point A to point D so you never arrive. This could be as simple as sitting down for 30 minutes and reviewing your week and accessing how much time you will have to prepare your meals and choosing healthy meals to prepare that week that fit into your schedule.
There are RATS everywhere that can keep you from executing. You can use your voice to Speak Up and say to that RAT, whatever it is, hey “I’ve got you covered and you’re not going to derail me today because I am prepared”.
The RAT that rears its ugly head with my coaching clients is the RAT of “lack of confidence in your ability to really achieve your dreams”. The media feeds this everyday with the nonsense on how tough it is to find jobs, how unhealthy your eating habits are and how poor you are and how you should just be lucky to be breathing. It is sad to listen to, maybe that why I recommend a TV and media diet from time to time.
Use your dreams to create the life you desire and little by little build your confidence in the fact that this dream is attainable pulverizing your RATS and executing a few of these strategies.
Let me know which you plan on doing in the comments below.
Cheers to living One Jazzy Life
As many of you know I have made my living by selling the benefits of medicine to doctors for more than a quarter of a century. One of the hidden joys of this type of work is that I have learned to have conversations with everyone on just about everything from diabetes, depression, erectile dysfunction and schizophrenia and how each of these can change your life.
Build a bridge between you an the person with whom you are speaking.
This 76-year old Jewish retired judge from Brooklyn started talking to me about sales and did what all great sales people do, he said that he understood my job in a way because he used to sell legal services. This is a conversation skill I like to call building a bridge between you and the person with whom you are speaking. It’s step one to a good conversation.
Relate your life experience to the conversation
The he went on to talk about a movie he had seen about medicine sales people, another great conversation skill. He related his life experience to our conversation with humor and sincerity about how much he enjoyed the movie. We laughed about the movie because everyone talks about this particular movie to me because it was about the pharmacuteical industry.
We went on to talk about friendships, romantic relationships and being happy in life. His experience with Internet dating down right cracked me up when he talked about turning 70 and having all of his matches drop off. We laughed about this because women don’t want men over 70 because they think they will make great intimate partners.
Be authentic and give genuine compliments.
He commented on me in the form of a compliment saying that he did not know me from anyone but that I was easy to talk to, had a great sense of humor and was an overall nice person. He told me about his girlfriend who is 61 and that they are like 35 year olds in the bed room. He shared that they are learning Italian and preparing to go to Tuscany for a few years together. In my mind I was thinking 76 year old men were not having sex anymore, well I was pleasantly surprised to know that I have many more years of good loving that for some reason I thought would end at some weird age because women don’t have sex when they get older. What do I know?
Why is this conversation important to you, well I hope it shares that you can meet new people and hear new perspectives about common experiences that add value to your decision making processes when you least expect it.
Strike up a conversation with someone new today by building a bridge between you and that person then adding a tidbit from your life experience and watch how the conversation becomes easy and enjoyable.
Lets face it, life can beat you down and you may be feeling like everyone else is supposed to be rich, gorgeous, famous and really nice. In the real world you many have noticed that in each of the circles with which you interact you may find those who are at the top of their professional game however, they are overweight and unhealthy.
If this woman is you, you’re not alone and, your conversation is centered on all the cool stuff you’re doing at work that does not give you the time for mundane task of taking care of your body. All this conversation about the time you can’t spend cooking healthy meals and exercising for a half hour a day impresses on the mind that you don’t want this because all you are talking about is how you don’t have time for health.
If you tweaked your words to include what you’re doing integrate health into all the cool stuff you are doing each time you speak with others, the mind begins to hear what you are doing and makes space for this to happen through your actions.
Speaking to others is important and so are the words you use, so this week be aware of the words you are using and the picture those words are painting in your mind. Remember that girls are watching you and learning you to build their self confidence and self esteem by looking at you and your actions weather you know it or not. Show them how to handle their business by putting their best foot forward in their conversations each day.
Another way you can speak up in your personal life is by taking time to, as the kids would say, “do you”. Personally, you may want to take a cooking class, attend a writer’s workshop or go to a movie of your choosing and again it is your job to Speak UP about it in everyday conversation. If you are the busy woman who has not time to do something you enjoy the conversation sound something like this with everyone you speak with. ” My calendar is so full I can’t fit anything else into my day with the kids, schhol, homework, my parents my man, I am just busy.” This is half true. Place in pen in your calendar time for you, it may be weekly, monthly, or biweekly, it doesn’t matter just put it in an honor yourself and don’t double book at that time. Then your conversation sounds something like this, I am taking my son to swim practice after work and going over homework for an hour but then I am reading my book for an hour before I go to bed. You get it the reading is your time, not to be taken by phone conversations with relatives about “nothing”. This is your relax time.
If the friends and people you are speaking with each day cannot handle the conversation about living your authentic One Jazzy Life and all they want to talk about is how they are living the life of “UN”, you may have to limit your conversations with them. This will naturally happen.
Have a great week and let me know how what you are speaking with other about this week.
Cheers, Janice Saunders
Speaking Skills Mentor to Urban Girls of All Ages
The life of “UN” is painful to watch so take these three keys and begin to unlock your One Jazzy Life using great speaking skills. Speaking to yourself and others about the life you desire is the beginning of UN to Jazzy. Don’t let anyone tell you that the life you desire is unattainable, or that you’re not qualified or you just plain old can’t do it because of some reason.
Your belief in yourself is key and believing that you are enough and what you are offering is good seems to be a good place to begin. Now grab somenting to write on, you need it to capture your thoughts.
Imagine you living your best life in five years by answering these questions.
Where do you live, how does your house look?
Who is with you, are you alone or with a family, and what do you do with your friends?
How do you spend your days, professionally and personally? At the end of each day what and who have you used your expertise to help?
Go into as great a detail as you can, right down to the paint color on the walls if you like. The better description you can make of where you would like to be personally and professionally the better.
When I first did this exercise one of the points I had written about was how I wanted my house to smell like good cooking every day and to be filled with those who love me to enjoy the meals with.
What is your dream? Imagine BIG.
Identify the gaps between where you are currently and where you desire to be. This is the time to focus in on projection. What will happen if you keep doing the same thing you are doing today? If you are building currently and like how it is progressing then that is an area you want to keep up the good work. However, if you don’t see yourself moving progressing in a particular area of your life that is important to you making your dream come true, then this is an area to formulate a plan to close the gap between where you are today and what would happen if you keep doing the same thing. If you need help formulating your plan email me and take advantage of a complementary One Jazzy Life Discovery Session.
Key # 3
Take action. Taking action is important to closing the gap. No matter what area you decide to close the gap in, action is necessary and so is your ability to measure how your actions are working. Weight loss is easy because you can add a healthier diet and exercise and I guarantee you will loose weight. The same is true in other areas as well, for example, if you choose to go back to school you will probably study for an exam, get a better grade, matriculate at a better school because of the good score you achieved and in the end be in the running for better paying positions. You must invest in ACTION, you may not see a clear bridge to where you want to go yet however, without action you might as well be going backwards.
These keys are to help you dream of the One Jazzy Life and focus in on which area you want to invest some time in to propel you to the next level. What I can say from experience is that is does take time and it does require Faith coupled with Action.
You can live your authentic One Jazzy Life and leave the “UN” life behind.
Leave a comment below and let me know what action you are taking this week.
Cheers to living One Jazzy Life
Janice Saunders, Your Speaking Skills Mentor